december 17th highlights

it was so had to get the video from the nba website...need to find a new software to download online videos as real player hangs all the time!

lebron is the king!

i say it again...he is the king!

if ur a basketball lover, no matter which team u support u cant deny the fact that lebron single handedly dominated the timberwolves..wanted the video with the no look pass and the random jumpshots from all over the 'd' and the 3 point line...and even managed to fool arnd and still come up with the flight and dunk of the year...at least the best 2( the best would be post season this year wen he sliced thru kevin garnet and i dunno whu else and dunked as if they were cheese slices on my sandwich!)

a short video highlight of all the games but seriously if you can just visit http://www.nba.com/video/ and find that lebron game and you will know what i am talkin about...





haf a nice nite!
God bless!

what i mean by what i do..

was really agitated the whole day...firstly i got hacked real bad...secondly i couldnt play all the songs that would normally make me feel better...nevertheless seeing 'her' really calmed me down like 10 notches...something even kian's whole box of chocolates couldn't do...

when i make fun of you its coz i care, and you mean something to me...i can be bothered to come up with "wheelchair club" jokes if i wasnt close to you and no matter what happens i always have my friends back..and definitely have yours as well...

"whats wrong with me...?"...i ask myself this question very so often and well if i have a friend who missed a scoring opportunity, the normal thing to do is go and encourage him to to get up and try again...but isnt there another way of doing that? like "wats wrong with u bro...?" it would encourage him in a whole new way...of coz u cant say that to someone you hardly know...words like that can only be used on someone you are close to...and it doesnt really matter if your friend is a guy or a girl...thats what i believe...but i might have been wrong all this while...might have hurt alot of people in the process...the thing is i did put myself in her shoes and yet i see it as something normal...which brings me to another thing i learned, painfully...nobody is the same...if you have 100 friends none of them will react exactly the same way to a particular situation...all of them have totally different ways to react....almost similar , well some might argue but seriously i have seen enough to know almost similar is still not similar...

For everything i have out you through...i am sorry~just hope you understand that i will never do or say anything to hurt you or make you feel less comfortable about who you are...

i know what i did was wrong for thinking of even the slightest possibility of the existance of 2 people who think the same way...that has to change...nevertheless there are some things we guys are often mistaken for or taken for granted..

1)we are just as soft as you...so what hurts you naturally hurts us as well
however,

2)we are not as strong as you are, coz we have this thing called pride which makes us wanna deal with things alone, most of the time taking wrong solutions or long winded paths.

3)we might be wrong about certain things but please, we cant be wrong about everything...

4)when we say we are sorry we mean it but i dunno why very so often this is mistaken as something like a routine...i know many ppl out there who find it hard to even say sorry when they are in the wrong, but there are some of us who are willing to accept the mistake bcoz even if we do not understand it then, one day, when we actually sit down and think we will...

5)lastly, nobody's perfect...all my life i have been judged by people for things i am not..it gets my blood boiling but well i have learned my lesson to not let my temper get the better of things...so yeah judged or not judged i am being recognised as a person i am not...i wouldnt want anyone to change that...as this is one thing that separates my brothers and sisters from my friends.

sometimes i take things for granted, sometimes i say or do things i do not understand but if there is one person that has actually made me think and reflect so much about myself, it would be YOU, so please dont judge me just yet. what i said the other day, i meant every word of it.

love the little things you do...
want you to keep doing it
for all its worth
i wana be 'the one' for you
take care of you,
listen to you,
laugh at your jokes,
hold you in my arms,
wipe away your tears,
making sure they never come again,
be there in every circumstance,
even if its just to watch you smile for a second
i would give it my all...

life as it is...

and so i haf pending colloques 4 for anat, 2 for physio and yeah thats about it...planning to finish 3 next week and the other 3 the week after...if can go for more next week the better...

i am kinda at peace now...i dunno why but well just had wendy's mushroom sauce and i can tell u...its a killer!!!! i went over for a wile to like kacau them and guess what giju ofered me some bread and i was like " no thanx bro...i am heading off to bed" and then well i stayed till i saw the botom of the soup...it was really really good...

looking forward to the party later...got lotsa things to cook but more importantly going for my run...its been a month since i had a good decent run so this is good...not so much to clear my head like i always do but this time its mainly for fitness coz well i am getting more and more unfit...my standing broadjump the other day was only 250cm...so yeah got alot to work on that...

gotta be able to dunk soon...been so long ddi...now i cant even remember if i was ever able to dunk..but well...ppl like darren would remind me of how i used to slam...gotta get that back,...so yeah starts now...

still cant sleep...and yeah i let my heart out tonyt...thats why the relief i guess...the feeling of vulnerability...its over coz now i can know for sure..

take care then all...

nite
God bless!!

bus drivers in moscow...

most of the time they are blur..nice and well, convenient...today i kinda met a totally different species, a retarded one that wanted to get me killed.

so i was going to strella with 'her' and well of coz we went by bus...so our stop came and we wanted to get off the bus and the driver started to drive off just as i was about to step out...what does that fella think...? it certainly wasnt a bus ride in india or something but wat was going through his mind...did he have to rush somewhere...? can he make 8 rounds of his shift instead of seven coz i really wanna know what made him think he owned us...kinda got my knee twisted as i had already placed one foot on on the ground when it started to take off...thank God 'she' was alright...wouldnt haf forgiven myself if i had got one scratch on 'her'.

but then again Ira did say that guy was mentally retarded as he had always been like that...how do these ppl know the bus drivers...? just from taking bus rides daily...? oh well i prefer to walk and its surprising also coz i have taken the bus to uni more times the this month than i have ever taken since i came to moscow...so yeah there it stands...nothing beats a quiet peaceful walk where you are not rushing or struggling to squeeze in...get your chain of thoughts in order...

the weather now is oh well how do i put it...?AWESOME!...
coz it snows when i am asleep and its clear when i am going out...the weather forecast applies to everyone but me and well the wind though 40 km/h has a way of hitting everyone else and totalli avoiding me...so yeah the weather is perfect for me...just hope the secret snow find its way to pile up coz I WANNA GO SNOWBOARDING!!! cant wait for that...

gonna head off to bed now...a little ice on my knee should help but i really hope all will be well tomorrow. have ppl to face have myself to hit...reallly hard. need my knee to do all of it...

nite and God bless!!
cheers!

insensitive...

yeah when that word comes into your mind very often at least one person will appear in your mind...today i kinda made 3 ppl think of me like that...and the most painful thing was to hear 'her' indirectly say it...i can be ignorant of others feelings at times and well...the thing is i never mean most of the things i say...its kinda a gesture of sinical remark to show care and attention coz well i always thought a sinical remark is better than totally ignoring someone...right...? at least from where i kam from thats how it is...

feel really bad...dunno why i keep doing it, knowing i am gonna hurt people and in the process hurt myself worse...i guess its my defense mechanism...thats how i have shieldd myself from pain all this while, looking at things around me, the best way is sometimes to totally recede allowing yourself a time to escape the situation where you will even have to put yourself into someones shoes...

the pain ...well i like it...my whole life has been full of it...i just wish i can take away others' coz well wat i go through is really nothing nevertheless i never wanna see ppl around me get hurt...and if i am the cause of that pain, i dunno where else to have faith that i can somehow take every1's pain away...even i its a soul that i hurt, a tiny little soul it still hurts...

insensitive...yeah i know it spells out my name clearly...for all its worth and all i am i am really, truly, deeply sorry...if i have hurt anyone, even unconsciously...especially 'you'

have a nice night!

tales of winter

its been a while since i last wrote here...i dunno never really like to write personal stuff and well let everyone know about it coz well, there is a reason its called 'personal stuff'.

so its like 5 pm here now but it sure feels like abt 8pm in malaysia...the days are shorter hence all the reason to suffer while getting up, procrastinate getting outta bed as well as snoozing the one fella that can get you to school on time...it isnt half as cold as last year though. nevertheless ppl keep telling me..."its moscow, the worst is yet to come..." just hope it stays this way, coz well the weather is great now...anw colder and its gonna get uncomfortable....stll waiting for the snow to secretly come and lay itself so that i can go snowboarding...and then dissapear, without melting leaving the streets dry so that i can move without the conscience of stepping into a puddle of mud...

i love it here...i really do...very little can i find to prove this is less than home and its like a whole new exciting place once you learn to love it...the people, well...they are the same everywhere...there are warm chaps who would never stop making your day brighter and well snobbish little pricks who are ever-ready to bring you down with them..

i tried so much to hold on to something for so long and letting it go was the best thing thats happened to me in a long time...its like a breather...but even better with the joy
'she' brings into my life...i want this new step i take to work...its like i know how it makes me feel, i enjoy it and yet i still wanna put my doubts...she is special to me...this place in my heart that i can save for noone but her...

that aside...my weekend was a blast that passed in 2 seconds...i dunno what happened...it just passed so fast i wasnt able to even catch it except for the little moments of lunch at morae, watching a classic, totally random movie 'scary movie', and well a little studying to sum up a complete weekend of a 2nd year...

and yeah its Ana's b'dae today! happy birthday gal!
if i get the pics will show you who my little sister, the star queen is...next time...hopefully, soonish...

cheers,
God bless ya ol!

not feeling tired...

innitially i was really looking forward to the weekend to catch up with sleep...but then again i never got new blockmates, so yeah stuck with these noisy ppl for i dunno how long more.telling them to shut up once or twice or even once every 20 minutes isnt enough...these people can go on talkng the whole night, i duno about what or who but tey will be talking non stop, occasionally wetting the seater but yeah basically soundblasting the whole block till about 6 am. this routine has been going on for quite some time and these people never ever heard of the term of shut up! or consideration before...so yeah leave it as it is...

but its like 2.20 am here and i am still not tired...have to wale up by 6 am for prayer meeting followed by handball practice and all and still i do not feel like sleeping...it could be the thought of anat exams coming up in 32 days time or the fact that i have 4 pending colloques and 2 razkazes in total...nah it cant be the things in my mind coz well i am never bothered by it...time will find itself solving things by itself as time passes, but yet there is this inner turmoil...something that i wish i can say it out here...the fact that i cant let myself to type those words clearly confirms my reason for a sleepless friday night...

wish it can all be solved like an equation...i gave it my best shot and yet i wasnt enough...now,well i have to give it all i've got and something more, or else i am gonna lose out in pleasing my mind, body and soul and well, i will never accept the fact that there are 12 greater pyramids that made its name next to the sandcastle...so yeah...if all i've given is not enough, its time to give it something i have never brought on the platter...my heart...

gonna try to settle for tossing and turning till i knock out, besides, i just love my bed...

good day folks!

a nice pleasant song...

well pauline sent me this song a couple of hours ago and i thought its worth sharing..
so yeah...enjoy...

fitness so far

so my injuries are at a minimum now...slightly strained wrist due to basketball and a back muscle pull from benchpress earlier and well another ankle strain due to last weeks game...besides that i am all good...working really hard on my fitness now coz well if i can do 2 sports for volgo, why not right...?if i can play my 110% in both sports...

so yeah if i count my napha test scores...well my platinum score is still a long shot...think sit ups are at about 35 perminute now, pullups are at 7, 2.4 timing i dunno maybe an estimate of 11 mins...(not gonna hit my 8.55 anytime soon...maybe ever) shuttle run shld be the same or better considering the suicides and fitness drills we have been doing in basketball training...mite even get an under 9s timing...ha standing broadjump...definitely better...in other words i feel great about anaerobic fitness...but the aerobic, gotta work on it..

and yeah about aerobic workout, how am i gonna do it if the coach says that i am like the smallest player there...he wants me to bulk up a little,,,thats why the bench press came in today. i rather haf small well toned muscles than big bulky muscles cos well later they are super hard to get rid off wen ur like 40 and everything starts to strech and sag...so yeah happy the way it is now...running gives the best full body workout still, dan and binh would agree...

been a long time since i dunked...the good old days, but with my coach pushing me like this...i say will be able to in 2 months...? think they haf a holiday camp thing going on...really dunno what they talk about esp wen its all in russian...ah well if ned robinson can dunk over spud web at 5 ft 9 inches...come on man a 6 ft dude shld be able to dunk with less efford...ha

still cant believe i am the smallest person in the team...if fariq is there then its 2nd smallest...ha, sorry bro...

thats about it lah...still holding on to the glucose and protein supplements and yeah the cratin...if the time comes for me to go synthetic i will have to, but we all know wat happened the last time yeah...?lets not talk about it any further

sports...the only other thing that keeps the world sane...
the currency...sweat!

haf an awesome weekend...!
God bless!

P.S. druncos...please have mercy tomoro nite...cheers!

!...traeh

"the heart has reasons, that reasons cannot tell"-oth

very often i tend to overlook,we all tend t overlook the fact that our heart makes the right choices all the time...a young boy might have loved his pet so much that nothing it can do can ever make him change his mind.even if it went wild and decided to bite him or nibble on his best cap, he would still think about what it means to him...no matter the damage, the fact that that little kid loved his pet, lets say pup so much will always cause him to reason forgiveness over hatred...and it gets me thinking..how often haf i trusted my heart instead of my head?
-only twice in my life and one of those times have caused me never to trust it again...at least wen i go with my head i get that few minutes of satisfaction, relief or maybe breathing space...nevertheless my heart tells me to believe otherwise...i wish a long run can clear my head if i get a chance to even go for one!

sometimes we find ourselves in a maze in an absolute mist of things, but the solution is very often right there...next to you, or within you.after taking the plunge you realise you should have done that or should have seen that but all along there it was right there beside you. so what keeps us from reasoning...?hmmmh...? i believe we hafta say hello to our head once more, a little spice of ego, coupled with unsurpressable pride is what kept us from achieving what we sought out for in the first place...

and then there is a question of the heart...all i have heard b4 is the heart lets us love people, lets us forgive, lets us move on...nobody told me about betrayal...doubtful anchor decisions...and most unforgivingly heartbreak when ALL comes apart...all i really want is that one right decision that will piece it together, give reason to live, give reason to die, give reason to go through it all...coz if at the end of the day, if i never find that missing piece, i dun wanna be drowned...not yet, not by my own heart...so its there i know...still finding a reason for it to continue beating...still finding that missing piece,,,still giving reasons instead of finding answers...

'i am falling for someone,
trying so hard to resist it,
but its hard...

i am not in control anymore,
i want t so much
and yet i am thinking,
is this the one?
will it last...?
do we feel the same?

my heart is too fraculent
to be taken, given and broken again,
i hope i can wish it away,
this feeling,.
but; it simply will not go

i am vulnerable
i haf fallen for this someone
i have fallen into the
trap of love or merely
just love
pure and sensitive
just a heart
filled with
love!'

-duntellya-