When uncomfortable becomes a good thing!

As i was playing my guitar in the wee hours of the morning, i realised i haven't played so often. Since i got back home from my studies, i have been spending so much time on my piano that the guitar no longer rests in my arms when a new tune kicks in my ears...but then, though my softened fingers hurt n my posture had to be adjusted several times to accommodate the changing rifts, i realised i could still play a decent melody....

Why is this so...you would ask me...

Well as my pastor once said, i built a reserve of skills from when i used to practice with passion in my younger days. I bet even if i did not touch my guitar till i am 40, i could still play it the same way, or at least with little effort.

I believe its the same with everything else in life...

My brother used to fold origami's as a hobby when he was little,and used to do it so well that i believe everything that the Japanese had thought of folding a paper into had been achieved by my brother. That was when he was little...Today, if he walked into a children's room or a kindie class with no toys...he could still entertain them with just a piece of square paper...they get so entertained to have toys made out of paper that they fall into a spell under my brother...i have seen it, most people who know him well enough have seen it.

So i believe this...when we have time in our hands, use it to build a reserve...cos it never goes to waste...
its better to build a reserve than to do nothing at all...

In a relationship, use the good days to do something meaningful, go all out to make it so special, so that during a bad time, or in the midst of a tough, busy schedule, you guys can still ponder upon the love and the good times, because a reserve of love and affection has been built...

Take time to say " I love you" more than you feel like saying, or do something for someone you care, even though you don't feel like doing it...cos i believe all this adds to a reserve. Also when you practice something long enough, even though you might be uncomfortable or be bad at it, i believe you will learn to love it, and actually be good at it...there is an old Malay proverb that goes..."the back of the blade can still be made sharp if it is sharpened all the time"...it goes without saying that in this life...we are not alone...i mean NEVER...you might try to be, but you gotta realise that there are people who are gonna grit us, love us, hurt us, care for us, rob us, bless us and i can go on and on....


We can make the choice...to be different...its not a one day thing, but a process that takes time...
I am writing this because i need to start a few processes myself...things that are not gonna be easy, but in the long run, someday i know its gonna be good for me and the people that i love around me...

iPhone 4

on june the 8th

it seems like forever since i last wrote here. there is so much i wanna tell, ideas are exploding out of my head but considering that i gotta head to uni in a short while i will write as much as i can...

so Man Utd lost the finals and cavaliers are out, surprisingly, thought i am a little disappointed i enjoyed those games because both teams really out up a great fight. honestly in the magic/cavaliers series it could have gone either way...despite what everone thinks, lebron is still the best ball player in the world coz he does magic with the little he has.

not even a press conference with him till now. i know he is disappointed and all, like this year was his year and all but i am sure he will get over it. "i'm 100% behind you bro!" he is so gonna come back stronger, more determined and more hyped up for his first nba title. nobody in the league wants it more than him right now.so yeah all the best to the cleveland cavaliers for the coming season. if you guys are not catching up with the finals, the series is curently going lakers way 2-0. i think magic should be able to win it...their 3 point play system is really deadly. really hate te way they knocked cleveland out but i respect what they did...they brought a whole new stule to basketball...they have proven that a young team with no stars like lebron james and kobe bryant can still possibly win a championship

manchester united has a good uphill walk. Ronaldo must have his ego beaten and realises now its not about him but the team. all i can say is that he would have done much worse in Real, no offense real madrid fans. well i see the prospects of an even deadlier team next season...

cant wait to go back..just days away from my flight home. i really need the breather...miss my guys back home.miss church, miss soccer, the innitial d and daytona, the ais kacang and char kweh teow, the bike and the skates and above all i miss swimming!

alryt then back to work
haf a great day all!
God bless!

a really promissing president!

sports at its latest...

well i really gotta get back to my books..but thereare so many videos to talk abt...lebron,rooney,ronaldo and giggs...and yeah this play is utter genious...i have seen it done in my team back in cjc soccer b4...seen it in important games but never this perfect with the refree's whistle and all...and the ref disallowed it...come on ppl man utd is just a brilliant team and there are those who chose to cheat themselves...enjoy the vid...!

all the best to those sitting for exams!

december 17th highlights

it was so had to get the video from the nba website...need to find a new software to download online videos as real player hangs all the time!

lebron is the king!

i say it again...he is the king!

if ur a basketball lover, no matter which team u support u cant deny the fact that lebron single handedly dominated the timberwolves..wanted the video with the no look pass and the random jumpshots from all over the 'd' and the 3 point line...and even managed to fool arnd and still come up with the flight and dunk of the year...at least the best 2( the best would be post season this year wen he sliced thru kevin garnet and i dunno whu else and dunked as if they were cheese slices on my sandwich!)

a short video highlight of all the games but seriously if you can just visit http://www.nba.com/video/ and find that lebron game and you will know what i am talkin about...





haf a nice nite!
God bless!

what i mean by what i do..

was really agitated the whole day...firstly i got hacked real bad...secondly i couldnt play all the songs that would normally make me feel better...nevertheless seeing 'her' really calmed me down like 10 notches...something even kian's whole box of chocolates couldn't do...

when i make fun of you its coz i care, and you mean something to me...i can be bothered to come up with "wheelchair club" jokes if i wasnt close to you and no matter what happens i always have my friends back..and definitely have yours as well...

"whats wrong with me...?"...i ask myself this question very so often and well if i have a friend who missed a scoring opportunity, the normal thing to do is go and encourage him to to get up and try again...but isnt there another way of doing that? like "wats wrong with u bro...?" it would encourage him in a whole new way...of coz u cant say that to someone you hardly know...words like that can only be used on someone you are close to...and it doesnt really matter if your friend is a guy or a girl...thats what i believe...but i might have been wrong all this while...might have hurt alot of people in the process...the thing is i did put myself in her shoes and yet i see it as something normal...which brings me to another thing i learned, painfully...nobody is the same...if you have 100 friends none of them will react exactly the same way to a particular situation...all of them have totally different ways to react....almost similar , well some might argue but seriously i have seen enough to know almost similar is still not similar...

For everything i have out you through...i am sorry~just hope you understand that i will never do or say anything to hurt you or make you feel less comfortable about who you are...

i know what i did was wrong for thinking of even the slightest possibility of the existance of 2 people who think the same way...that has to change...nevertheless there are some things we guys are often mistaken for or taken for granted..

1)we are just as soft as you...so what hurts you naturally hurts us as well
however,

2)we are not as strong as you are, coz we have this thing called pride which makes us wanna deal with things alone, most of the time taking wrong solutions or long winded paths.

3)we might be wrong about certain things but please, we cant be wrong about everything...

4)when we say we are sorry we mean it but i dunno why very so often this is mistaken as something like a routine...i know many ppl out there who find it hard to even say sorry when they are in the wrong, but there are some of us who are willing to accept the mistake bcoz even if we do not understand it then, one day, when we actually sit down and think we will...

5)lastly, nobody's perfect...all my life i have been judged by people for things i am not..it gets my blood boiling but well i have learned my lesson to not let my temper get the better of things...so yeah judged or not judged i am being recognised as a person i am not...i wouldnt want anyone to change that...as this is one thing that separates my brothers and sisters from my friends.

sometimes i take things for granted, sometimes i say or do things i do not understand but if there is one person that has actually made me think and reflect so much about myself, it would be YOU, so please dont judge me just yet. what i said the other day, i meant every word of it.

love the little things you do...
want you to keep doing it
for all its worth
i wana be 'the one' for you
take care of you,
listen to you,
laugh at your jokes,
hold you in my arms,
wipe away your tears,
making sure they never come again,
be there in every circumstance,
even if its just to watch you smile for a second
i would give it my all...

life as it is...

and so i haf pending colloques 4 for anat, 2 for physio and yeah thats about it...planning to finish 3 next week and the other 3 the week after...if can go for more next week the better...

i am kinda at peace now...i dunno why but well just had wendy's mushroom sauce and i can tell u...its a killer!!!! i went over for a wile to like kacau them and guess what giju ofered me some bread and i was like " no thanx bro...i am heading off to bed" and then well i stayed till i saw the botom of the soup...it was really really good...

looking forward to the party later...got lotsa things to cook but more importantly going for my run...its been a month since i had a good decent run so this is good...not so much to clear my head like i always do but this time its mainly for fitness coz well i am getting more and more unfit...my standing broadjump the other day was only 250cm...so yeah got alot to work on that...

gotta be able to dunk soon...been so long ddi...now i cant even remember if i was ever able to dunk..but well...ppl like darren would remind me of how i used to slam...gotta get that back,...so yeah starts now...

still cant sleep...and yeah i let my heart out tonyt...thats why the relief i guess...the feeling of vulnerability...its over coz now i can know for sure..

take care then all...

nite
God bless!!

bus drivers in moscow...

most of the time they are blur..nice and well, convenient...today i kinda met a totally different species, a retarded one that wanted to get me killed.

so i was going to strella with 'her' and well of coz we went by bus...so our stop came and we wanted to get off the bus and the driver started to drive off just as i was about to step out...what does that fella think...? it certainly wasnt a bus ride in india or something but wat was going through his mind...did he have to rush somewhere...? can he make 8 rounds of his shift instead of seven coz i really wanna know what made him think he owned us...kinda got my knee twisted as i had already placed one foot on on the ground when it started to take off...thank God 'she' was alright...wouldnt haf forgiven myself if i had got one scratch on 'her'.

but then again Ira did say that guy was mentally retarded as he had always been like that...how do these ppl know the bus drivers...? just from taking bus rides daily...? oh well i prefer to walk and its surprising also coz i have taken the bus to uni more times the this month than i have ever taken since i came to moscow...so yeah there it stands...nothing beats a quiet peaceful walk where you are not rushing or struggling to squeeze in...get your chain of thoughts in order...

the weather now is oh well how do i put it...?AWESOME!...
coz it snows when i am asleep and its clear when i am going out...the weather forecast applies to everyone but me and well the wind though 40 km/h has a way of hitting everyone else and totalli avoiding me...so yeah the weather is perfect for me...just hope the secret snow find its way to pile up coz I WANNA GO SNOWBOARDING!!! cant wait for that...

gonna head off to bed now...a little ice on my knee should help but i really hope all will be well tomorrow. have ppl to face have myself to hit...reallly hard. need my knee to do all of it...

nite and God bless!!
cheers!

insensitive...

yeah when that word comes into your mind very often at least one person will appear in your mind...today i kinda made 3 ppl think of me like that...and the most painful thing was to hear 'her' indirectly say it...i can be ignorant of others feelings at times and well...the thing is i never mean most of the things i say...its kinda a gesture of sinical remark to show care and attention coz well i always thought a sinical remark is better than totally ignoring someone...right...? at least from where i kam from thats how it is...

feel really bad...dunno why i keep doing it, knowing i am gonna hurt people and in the process hurt myself worse...i guess its my defense mechanism...thats how i have shieldd myself from pain all this while, looking at things around me, the best way is sometimes to totally recede allowing yourself a time to escape the situation where you will even have to put yourself into someones shoes...

the pain ...well i like it...my whole life has been full of it...i just wish i can take away others' coz well wat i go through is really nothing nevertheless i never wanna see ppl around me get hurt...and if i am the cause of that pain, i dunno where else to have faith that i can somehow take every1's pain away...even i its a soul that i hurt, a tiny little soul it still hurts...

insensitive...yeah i know it spells out my name clearly...for all its worth and all i am i am really, truly, deeply sorry...if i have hurt anyone, even unconsciously...especially 'you'

have a nice night!

tales of winter

its been a while since i last wrote here...i dunno never really like to write personal stuff and well let everyone know about it coz well, there is a reason its called 'personal stuff'.

so its like 5 pm here now but it sure feels like abt 8pm in malaysia...the days are shorter hence all the reason to suffer while getting up, procrastinate getting outta bed as well as snoozing the one fella that can get you to school on time...it isnt half as cold as last year though. nevertheless ppl keep telling me..."its moscow, the worst is yet to come..." just hope it stays this way, coz well the weather is great now...anw colder and its gonna get uncomfortable....stll waiting for the snow to secretly come and lay itself so that i can go snowboarding...and then dissapear, without melting leaving the streets dry so that i can move without the conscience of stepping into a puddle of mud...

i love it here...i really do...very little can i find to prove this is less than home and its like a whole new exciting place once you learn to love it...the people, well...they are the same everywhere...there are warm chaps who would never stop making your day brighter and well snobbish little pricks who are ever-ready to bring you down with them..

i tried so much to hold on to something for so long and letting it go was the best thing thats happened to me in a long time...its like a breather...but even better with the joy
'she' brings into my life...i want this new step i take to work...its like i know how it makes me feel, i enjoy it and yet i still wanna put my doubts...she is special to me...this place in my heart that i can save for noone but her...

that aside...my weekend was a blast that passed in 2 seconds...i dunno what happened...it just passed so fast i wasnt able to even catch it except for the little moments of lunch at morae, watching a classic, totally random movie 'scary movie', and well a little studying to sum up a complete weekend of a 2nd year...

and yeah its Ana's b'dae today! happy birthday gal!
if i get the pics will show you who my little sister, the star queen is...next time...hopefully, soonish...

cheers,
God bless ya ol!

not feeling tired...

innitially i was really looking forward to the weekend to catch up with sleep...but then again i never got new blockmates, so yeah stuck with these noisy ppl for i dunno how long more.telling them to shut up once or twice or even once every 20 minutes isnt enough...these people can go on talkng the whole night, i duno about what or who but tey will be talking non stop, occasionally wetting the seater but yeah basically soundblasting the whole block till about 6 am. this routine has been going on for quite some time and these people never ever heard of the term of shut up! or consideration before...so yeah leave it as it is...

but its like 2.20 am here and i am still not tired...have to wale up by 6 am for prayer meeting followed by handball practice and all and still i do not feel like sleeping...it could be the thought of anat exams coming up in 32 days time or the fact that i have 4 pending colloques and 2 razkazes in total...nah it cant be the things in my mind coz well i am never bothered by it...time will find itself solving things by itself as time passes, but yet there is this inner turmoil...something that i wish i can say it out here...the fact that i cant let myself to type those words clearly confirms my reason for a sleepless friday night...

wish it can all be solved like an equation...i gave it my best shot and yet i wasnt enough...now,well i have to give it all i've got and something more, or else i am gonna lose out in pleasing my mind, body and soul and well, i will never accept the fact that there are 12 greater pyramids that made its name next to the sandcastle...so yeah...if all i've given is not enough, its time to give it something i have never brought on the platter...my heart...

gonna try to settle for tossing and turning till i knock out, besides, i just love my bed...

good day folks!